Never Stop Moving

LoLo Watson

Life has a funny way of making you question yourself; especially if you are naturally inquisitive.  You have a vision of where you want to be-check! You establish your goals with measurable timelines-check! You set your plans and prepare your course of action-check! You are feeling confident! You have taken control of your life and your destiny and you are on your way to success bliss!

BOOM<——the sound of all hell breaking loose!   *INSERT LOUD SCREAMS*

The path that you perceived to be the best route to you realizing your goals is hit with a road block that says NO ENTRANCE!  No worries, you immediately think and immediately seek an alternative route, because that is how you roll! Nothing stops you!  However, there is just one problem, YOU ARE TIRED! YOU ARE TIRED OF ALTERNATE ROUTES AND CONSTANT DETOURS!  You are like the kid in the backseat of the car on vacation, “Are we there yet?!”  

Your destiny GPS seems to only be intimate with the word ‘re-routing‘. You believe that you have done everything that was to be done! You have worked hard! You have taken hits for the team! You have genuinely supported others in achieving success! You earned your badges and stripes! However, it seems that others are constantly passing you by on the interstate of destiny fulfillment.  They seemed to have quickly arrived at destiny bliss. I mean, it is as if you are driving a scooter and others are in a Maserati!

Today, I have come to offer us some encouragement! All that we have need of: skill and character development, is achieved through our journey not in the realization of our dreams, which is our final destination!  It is through the journey that we learn who we are and of what we are made! It is through the journey that our character flaws are exposed and our underlying hidden success blockers are realized!

The actualization of the dream/arrival at our destination just means we are ready because we have been prepared! So, while it seems that other travelers, on this road to destiny, are passing us by, we must remember that they-too- are being prepared and maybe they are ready. We must remember that their ‘preparation‘ and ‘readiness training‘ may look and feel totally different than ours!

We are unclear of what was necessary to expedite their travels on this road to greatness. Neither are we always fully aware of the number of hells they have traveled through and what their sacrifices were (and in many cases are being) made.  There are so many answers to which we are not always privy. The question then becomes how do we deal? How do we get through when life throws those blows that we were not expecting?

  1. We dream and plan! We put our plans and dreams on paper and seek God for confirmation! God says, in Proverbs 16:9, that a man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. We need to continue to make our plans and submit them to God to ensure that we are in sync with His will for our lives.
  2. We have to have faith! Faith says that even when it does not feel good, when all hell is breaking lose, and when it seems that we are traveling a desolate and deserted road, we don’t stop moving. We have to take steps in the direction that we believe to be accurate, fully trusting that God will re-route us if our choices are delaying arrival at our final destination.
  3. We express gratitude! When those times come, and they will, that we believe we are getting ready to walk through a door and it slams so hard that we feel our nose is gone, we have to be thankful! Thankful that God loves us enough to close the door that was not meant for us.  No matter how professionally connected we are, regardless of how well we planned, regardless of how educated and skilled we are, we will always have finite knowledge and vision. We have to remember this! Only God knows what is happening on the other side of that door that we desire so badly! It is in our trust in Him that we activate a ‘lightening speed’ advancement on our travels.
  4. We establish a solid network! We must surround ourselves with people who demonstrate their love and support for us. When we are at our weakest, and experience surprising blows, we need those people who can give us a life hug and kiss of support and encouragement!  This type of support is priceless, more valuable than any material possession!

Disappointment will come! Surprises will come! Hardship will come! At the end of the day, we must remain faithful that we will see the end! Never stop moving! Never stop dreaming!  We shall succeed because we believe!  XOXO

~LoLo~

Train Them Right!

Do you ever feel like you are pushing people to get things done?  I mean it is almost as if you are a huge GIANT among little people and they are all waiting on you  to make a move, waiting on you to give direction, and if you are not there…well, nothing gets done! You ask yourself, what is wrong with this picture? What am I doing wrong? Possibly, you judge them as being lazy, having a poor work ethic, or just plain  s….l….o…w!  If you experience these emotions in everything that you do (your job, your family, your friendships, your marriage, etc), then the problem might be with you!

For the majority of my life, I was that person! I was that individual who believed the issue all hands productivitywas with everyone else.  In my head, I blamed everyone around me for being less able than I.  No, really, I did!  It was not until I began to notice a pattern, (regardless of my environment: professional or personal, with family or friends), I heard statements such as: you are such an over achieveryou are doing too much, you are doing the most, you need to slow down!    As embarrassing as it may be, I thought those were compliments and, in some cases, maybe they were.  Regardless, I wore them as a badge of honor! Are you kidding me?! They, I believed, identify me as an EXCEPTIONAL person! I mean, I truly saw my name in lights!  I am being very honest, here!

I WAS OUT OF BALANCE

However, after much headache, frustration, and much rejection, I realized that whether or not those statements were meant as a compliment, I needed help!  I was out of balance! My scorecard was not so balanced!  outofbalanceMoreover, there was obviously something much deeper that required my attention.  Danger was lurking all around and this girl could not see it! I had to do some gardening; I had to go digging to discover what my problem was.

Well, I found more than I desired, but for this blog, my root cause, my culprit, the very foundation of my misery was deeply rooted in a need for acceptance!  I foolishly believed that if I worked harder, if I was more perfect, and was what they wanted THEN ‘they‘ will accept me, they will love me, and they will treat me right! My foolish sub-conscious would say, “Just be whatever they need you to be and they will see that you are a GREAT person, Marlo”! You know who they are; it is them, those people, them over there! THEY are those individuals who place conditions on their love and support of you. 


help
I GAVE THEM PERMISSION?

As if that was overwhelming enough, I began to notice the pattern of attractions in my life. I was attracted to jobs, people, and situations that could use my help!  Dr. Marlo to the rescueI call this the god-complex. I, sub-consciously, believed that there was something so magnificent about me that I could get people to do and become what they needed if I just accepted them for who they were. Do you see? I was giving people what I needed! Giv
ing out of need often results in doing the right thing with the wrong person
! Of course, I did not realize that I had this complex or this issue because I was PERFECT! I did everything right!  As bad as it sounds, my actions were deeply woven in a sincere desire to help people and to make a difference!  There was just one thing….I needed to help myself first!  As the airline stewardess instructs her passengers, “….secure your OWN mask before helping others with their mask...” Hmm, it is simple when you don’t have that need!  My change was imminent! change

I could see it! I could taste it! I could grasp it! However, making the necessary changes was no easy feat and neither did they come without cost!  My behavior had established precedents with all who knew me well. I mean,  there was court case documentation of the many verdicts declaring me as one who did not value herself so you should not either.  My actions told people that they could place their weights, their ineptness, their guilt, their baggage, and their ‘whatevers’ on me and that I would accept their luggage as does an airport conveyor belt for its traveling guests! I proudly gave great service with a smile while I was dying internally! I was emotionally imploding while physically exploding! My conveyor belt was in need of an upgrade!  Better yet, my conveyor belt needed to be shut down!

NO NEED FOR MARTYRS

While shooting for the grand prize of ACCEPTANCE, I was killing myself and digging an early grave! How could I expect people to accept me when I did not accept myself?  Yeah, it all sounds so simple now! And for you, it may have always been simple, but it was not so simple for me!  Oh, and making the change; that was even less simple.  I mean, I could not just walk in the house and say to my spouse______________ (fill in the blank) or go on my job and say, listen here, I refuse to_____________(fill in the blank) any longer!  I had to rebuild while operating! I had to learn what was reasonable and fair; because those two words were foreign in my world. I had to be BOLD enough to communicate when I felt unreasonable expectations were being placed on me; I had to do this in spite of the fear.  I was not afraid of the consequences for being bold so much as I was afraid of being perceived as irresponsible. Yeah, I was pretty messed up!  The good news is that I began the journey of change!change_the_world_Revolutionflame

My change began with accepting myself just as God accepts me! I ACCEPTED that He loves me regardless of my imperfections. I treated myself as He treats me: I began to be patient with me, supportive of me, and encouraging myself; all of the things that I did for others! I mean, given that He loves me AS I AM, I have no reason not to accept myself in the same manner! He only created heaven and earth; which is pretty big in my book! I began to embrace my imperfections and not as a penalty worthy of death, but as an opportunity for growth.  Acceptance does not mean that you condone another’s behavior, or that you accept their beliefs as yours. Rather, it means that you are not requiring a person to EARN your acceptance of them for who they are. I realized that it is not about being perfect, but being perfected.  The difference is enormous.  Perfection is about never making a mistake; being perfected is about growing from your mistakes.  If you have ever struggled with perfectihelponism, then you understand!

HELP IS ON THE WAY!

If you are like I WAS ( I am happy to say), you have taught people that treating you less than great is acceptable; it does not matter what your root or culprit is.  Experience is the best teacher, but it does not have to be your experience.  If you can learn from my pitfalls, please do; expedite your journey to a life of bliss!  In LoLo fashion, I would like to provide you with six strategies that helped me:

  1. I encourage you to do  a self-check, (evaluate why you do what you do, ask yourself those hard questions, and have the courage to deal with the answers);
  2. Dependent on the outcome of your self-evaluation, adjust your behavior accordingly;
  3. Seek help for areas that you don’t understand;
  4. Accept your imperfections and use them as opportunities for growth;
  5. Live your life to the fullest; and lastly,
  6. Realize that others may not quickly adapt to your healthier behavior; they have a choice!

Remember, we teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate! It is never easy to do the right thing until you have settled on doing the right thing! Be courageous and teach the the themsthe theys, and the those people how to treat you by loving and accepting you first! You will not be disappointed!

~LoLo~

THE PATHWAY TO SUCCESS

Recently, in a meeting,  my Executive Intern said to me, “I read your blog and  your facebook posts and I become motivated but then it seems that I go back to my old way”.  And you know what happened, A NEW BLOG WAS WRITTEN! 🙂  She raises a great point!  It is very easy to become motivated to start a new venture, project, goal, etc; however, maintaining that motivation to complete that ‘thing’ is an altogether different matter!  I considered myself, pondered my incomplete projects and my non-realized goals!  I inquired as to what happened that prevented me from staying the course towards completion of something for which I was initially very passionate and motivated.   Of course, I made many attempts to justify this one and explain that one; however, the results were the same-incomplete goals.  What was even more fascinating was that it didn’t matter the year, the project, or what was happening in my life at the time; it was a lack of maintained focus due to what I describe as unsuspecting distractions.

Distractions can be destructive!  I believe that distractions come in two forms:  suspecting and unsuspecting!  The Suspecting Distraction is easier to deal with most times because it will feel like an interruption.  Examples of suspecting distractions are:   constant interruptions when writing:  assistant has a couple of quick  questions, interns  need help on  a project, and the phone won’t stop ringing.  These are very obvious distractions that often can be dealt with immediately with a little adjusting.  For example, closing the office door, putting up a DO NOT DISTURB SIGN, redirecting the calls to voice mail and/or silencing the ringer will prevent the interruptions.

However, the Unsuspecting Distractions are not so easy to detect because they appear to be legitimate and justifiable interruptions.  Examples of the unsuspecting distraction are:  unplanned budget cuts, a sudden RIF (reduction in force), sudden job loss in your household, having to take a leave of absence to care for a family member who suddenly became ill.  Who wouldn’t understand you letting go of what you have planned to address these urgent matters?  Yep! That, my friend, is why they are dangerous!  An unsuspecting distraction partners with your sub-conscious to justify and accept the defeat of an unrealized goal.  Together, this partnership develops an effective communication strategy to your conscious mind to let go of your goals because these ‘matters’ are more important right now.  Before you realize it, time has passed, in many cases years, and you are no further along than you were at the initial motivation!  If you are not careful, you can even develop bitterness towards the unsuspecting distraction that you allowed to take your motivation and get you off course.

I encourage you to be active in your life!  Recognize what you are doing and allowing to be done to you at all times!  Fight through the unsuspecting distraction(s), deal with the matters at hand, if necessary, adjust your timeline for reaching your goals, and stay motivated until you reach your goal(s).  This perseverance, this relentlessness, this tenaciousness towards meeting your goals will birth something far greater on the inside of you than the realization of the goal itself!  Do not allow those sneaky unsuspecting distractions to cause and keep you off the course for success, thus placing you in an inactive state of non-success!  Push out that resolve that says I can and I will be successful at reaching this goal!

So, in LoLo fashion, I have identified a few quick tips that have assisted me in maintaining my motivation towards my goals:

1.  Make sure that your goals are realistic, measurable, & attainable.  EX:  I will exercise no less than (NLT) 3xs per week for NLT 20 minutes

2.  Write your goals down and how you plan to achieve them. EX: I will walk the stairs during my lunch break on M, W, & F.

3.  Review your progress towards meeting your goals NLT on a weekly basis (there should be some daily task that is associated with your goals)

3.  Celebrate your milestones and don’t dwell in those times that you did not reach a milestones; this is the difference between conviction and condemnation.  Conviction motivates you to improve and condemnation motivates you to dwell in failure.

4.  Keep on Keeping On!

You will achieve what you believe if you give time, attention, and hard work!  I wish you the best in maintaining your motivation and reaching your goals! ~LoLo~